Once again I have become overly invested in an upcoming, yet-to-be-published baihe novel. This time it's
There's Something Weird About My Roommate (我的奇怪室友, pinyin: wo de qiguai shiyou) by Yu Shuang (鱼霜). The reason will be pretty clear from the summary (which is wild, also hilarious). Translation by me, even rougher, faster and looser than usual (wait why did that sound vaguely obscene).
Shi Jingsheng's beautiful new roommate is a writer. Whenever Shi Jingsheng passes by her roommate's door, she can hear her roommate typing away furiously inside. How dedicated she is, sighs Shi Jingsheng.
One day, as she's scrolling idly on her phone, she comes across the profile of a webnovel author with the same name as her roommate, and an average posting rate of about 50k new words a day. She's so prolific that her fans call her a tentacled freak — that's the only explanation for her writing speed!
As they're eating dinner, Shi Jingsheng asks, 'How do you do it?'
'I have lots of hands,' her roommate reminds her delicately.
She must be joking, Shi Jingsheng believes. Until one day when, in the midst of a high fever, she pushes open the door of her roommate's room thinking it's her own. Inside is her roommate, typing valiantly away with her eight tentacles. Shi Jingsheng's vision goes black and she faints.
When she comes to, her roommate is sitting next to her. Shi Jingsheng is about to scream when her roommate claps a tentacle over her mouth.
Then another tentacle helps her to lie back down. A third tentacle brings her water. A fourth tentacle hands her some painkillers.
Shi Jingsheng: (nonplussed silence)
Shi Jingsheng: I should just die, shouldn't I.
Song Qingyin doesn't let her die. Under her care, Shi Jingsheng soon makes a full recovery. Another restriction is added to their list of house rules: Song Qingyin is prohibited from revealing her tentacles where Shi Jingsheng can see.
Song Qingyin complies obediently with the new rule — except in bed. As she and Shi Jingsheng lie curled up in each other's arms, she asks seductively, 'Can they hug and kiss you too?'
Shi Jingsheng blushes furiously and gives Song Qingyin a bite. Hugging and kissing? That's all they get to do, okay?
Or, in three words: tentacle girlfriend baihe.
You can read the original summary
here on JJWXC.
Yu Shuang
said on Weibo that she plans to start serialising her next novel soon, and has set up a fan vote between this title and a (contemporary) rebirth one called
The Love Letter (情书, pinyin: qingshu) to decide which one to publish first. At the time of writing, unfortunately to all tentacle girlfriend anticipators everywhere,
The Love Letter is leading by some thirty votes. It's not particularly high-stakes though, as Yu Shuang said in the same post that she plans on finishing both of them this year, and it's just a case of which one she starts with.
A BNF of Yu Shuang's has also posted an amazing
fan comic based on this summary alone.
A note about the title translation: technically, 我的奇怪室友 translates more or less literally into 'my weird/odd/strange roommate'. However, if it's going to be in that format, I strongly feel it needs to be in the formulation 'My Weird [RELATED ADJECTIVE] Roommate' to be sufficiently punchy (hey, it worked for
My Hot Butch Roommate, didn't it). Since I couldn't think of a sufficiently good [RELATED ADJECTIVE], this is the formulation I've opted for. And also technically speaking, my British/Commonwealth English soul balks at 'roommate' to describe someone who shares the same flat/house at you — it should be flatmate/housemate. To me, 'roommate' is, properly speaking, someone who shares the same
room as you. In this regard, I have reluctantly given in to the Americanisation of English because I felt 'roommate' was much more globally comprehensible (we have US sitcoms to thank, I guess).